A friend told me recently that she felt I was ‘winging it.’ This, it seemed, was to be considered a bad thing.
‘Of course I am,’ I replied. ‘I’ve been ‘winging it’ since last year, and perhaps before. If it weren’t for my ‘winging it,’ I wouldn’t be where I am now.’
There’s a propensity among some New Agers to view progress as something that just ‘happens,’ with opportunities forming around the individual like some sort of beneficial mist. Among others, the term ‘progress’ instils a horror, evoking urbanisation, industrial wastelands, or the rat-race, the wasteland of the soul. It’s sort of like feminism. Women once went through so much oppression that even now, it’s possible to cause a whole group of them to choke on their beer if you greet them with a ‘Hi, guys!’ Spirituality is suffering a similar ailment. Once, we worked too hard and focused on the material too much; the backlash now is that it’s difficult to get some people to wash their armpits. Once something is achieved, the danger is that we fall back on our laurels – now that we’ve learnt to nurture ourselves and not expect too much, too soon – we might be expecting too little, too late.
Balance must be restored.
Beltane was hectic for most, especially here in Glastonbury. Now, a sort of deflation descends. Change, however, is all around – breakups, job losses, house moves – everything seems to be happening at once. If there’s one thing that my card, The Tower, teaches, it’s that life goes on without us, sometimes at a breathless pace. It’s the card that everyone dreads in a Tarot reading. I’m sure I have the same effect when I go to the pub! At official meetings, I’m even worse. I’m impatient, impenetrable as a stone wall, and accept no compromise. This of course, is the best way to lose friends and alienate people in the New Age community. The sad thing is, I’ve been holding back. I respect that power that pulls the rug out from under us (I’ve felt it myself many times this year) and I’ve done my best to tread carefully, to get to the bottom of where other people might be coming from.
Understanding other people’s perspectives is in itself misunderstood; most can see the value of this concept, but they don’t really get it. Consider this for a moment. I presume that you are a reasonably humanitarian individual, whose beliefs follow the cultural norm of the 21st century UK as a whole. How do you feel about individuals being murdered for their sexual orientation? If a man or woman was murdered in your town or city for being gay, how angry would that make you? How wrong would that feel to you? Now, consider that another individual, who has perhaps sat opposite you on the bus, feels the exact opposite. This character feels and believes, as strongly as you believe, that all gay people should be slaughtered. This person is not ‘misguided.’ He or she has not had a hard life. This person is not of a different culture, and has not fallen in with the ‘wrong’ crowd. He or she is not less or more developed than you on a soul level, if you believe in such things. The individual in question simply has a different perspective than yours. Horrifying, isn’t it? As strongly as I believe in a Goddess, someone else believes I will burn in hell for eternity for such a belief. It’s something that we all claim to understand, but rarely give enough thought.
The knowledge that someone may be rude, selfish, or downright stupid and yet believe that they are none of these things and that they are acting and behaving normally and well has been an eye-opener for me. In my quest to be respectful of others’ perspectives, however, I have allowed myself to be disrespected. I have not communicated my feelings until after the moment. I have been carrying my problems around. Again, balance must be redressed. If there was a glossary of terms that have sprung up of late that I detest, ‘speaking your truth’ would be one of them. It’s one of those things that leans too far over to the other side once again – for so long have people felt that they are being repressed and stifled, now they speak their minds at all times, regardless of diplomacy or preservation. The good thing is, such people (the ‘I say what I mean, darling, you get what you see with me’ types) often reveal their own insecurities as they babble on. Don’t confuse this with ‘projecting,’ my most hated hippy-babble term of the moment, however. ‘Projecting’ supposedly means that when insecure, we see our own failings, mirror-like, in others, accusing them of things that we ourselves are doing. This of course is a brilliantly annoying retort that can be directed at those of us who have finally lost the plot and decided to tell someone off. How butt-clenchingly annoying, once enough spittle has been worked up to let a certain someone have it in full, to be told that one is seeing one’s own failures in another!
So the answer is not in bottling and attempting to rub along, and it’s not in exhaustively listing faults in alphabetical order until the spittle stores need replenishing. Someone could have told me!
I have a theory on these things – the ‘everything happens for a reason’ line of thinking (if ‘thinking’ it can be called), the ‘projectors’ and the accusers thereof, and those loveable people who like to ‘speak their truth’ (but will deny you the same right and call it ‘projecting’), and all that assorted nonsense. It started out like feminism – necessary, protective, and long overdue. But people are extreme, and can twist these well-meaning little sayings into something demeaning, either for them or others. Here’s the good bit. These people are scary caricatures of how you can end up, if you are stupid/lazy/unthinking enough not to learn from such folly! When your housemate complains about how your friends are scroungers whilst blissfully tucking into your dairy milk, you make a little mental note – ‘Never become as callous or irritating as this dreadful PROJECTOR!’ Granted, your emotional responses may not be as potent as mine, but you get the picture. That oft-spoken new-age adage - ‘That person is a lesson for you,’ can be utterly true, however insipid it sounds next to the prospect of dealing with a total fruitcake.
The new-age terms that some of us love to hate are little homing beacons to madness, like a secret code developed for non-fruitcakes (as we see ourselves, from our perspective). ‘Everything happens for a reason’ people might – just maybe – be more comfortable with the idea of lying back and letting life happen – or not happen – around them, than attempting to inflict some order and direction and discipline on personal events (these people are akin to ‘the Universe will provide’ types – yes this is true, but the Universe wants you to provide for yourself, otherwise boots and bums will collide, and that’s where The Tower comes in). The Love & Light Brigade, as I like to call them, have a tendency to flip out and show you their devil face when you least expect it, so as soon as they say ‘love and light!’ you know to keep one beedy eye on them at all times. Accusers of ‘projecting’ are often projectors themselves, (how ironic is that?) so keep that in mind. And, if a stranger begins a conversation with the phrase, ‘Now, I say what I mean…’ brace yourself; and if they prefix a statement thus: ‘with the greatest love and respect,’ run for the hills! What they actually mean is (usually) ‘I’m going to make a snap judgement on you based on the fact that you’ve somehow ruffled my feathers, and it ain’t going to be pretty…’
The annoying thing about all this certainty is that sometimes, it’s not certain at all. These terms and sentiments can be used aptly and insightfully. The only way through the swamp is to hone your intuition, and accept that it might be off sometimes, leaving you to do things the old-fashioned way. Occasionally, most annoying of all, you will have to rescind snap judgements and first impressions, both good and bad. And remember, somebody is probably looking your way and thinking, ‘Good Gods, don’t let me end up like that lunatic.’ It’s certainly true for me!
Personally, I’ve spent too long of late running around trying to do everything bigger and better than before and not accepting my own charming fruitcake moments, preferring instead the iron fist of trying really hard and getting really kranky with my lack of progress. The response of the Universe, God, Providence, whatever, is to whack a great stinking lurgy on me so that I have had to take practically a week off work. A week?! I hear the workaholics cry. I know. It’s been hell. The feeling of helplessness has engendered behavioural traits in me that I loath in others. Drat. I hate it when that happens. But – the magick of it – I am aware of it! I’ve learned something about my own nature! I can apply this now in my dealings with others! Three second laurel time… and… release.
Balance has been restored.
‘Of course I am,’ I replied. ‘I’ve been ‘winging it’ since last year, and perhaps before. If it weren’t for my ‘winging it,’ I wouldn’t be where I am now.’
There’s a propensity among some New Agers to view progress as something that just ‘happens,’ with opportunities forming around the individual like some sort of beneficial mist. Among others, the term ‘progress’ instils a horror, evoking urbanisation, industrial wastelands, or the rat-race, the wasteland of the soul. It’s sort of like feminism. Women once went through so much oppression that even now, it’s possible to cause a whole group of them to choke on their beer if you greet them with a ‘Hi, guys!’ Spirituality is suffering a similar ailment. Once, we worked too hard and focused on the material too much; the backlash now is that it’s difficult to get some people to wash their armpits. Once something is achieved, the danger is that we fall back on our laurels – now that we’ve learnt to nurture ourselves and not expect too much, too soon – we might be expecting too little, too late.
Balance must be restored.
Beltane was hectic for most, especially here in Glastonbury. Now, a sort of deflation descends. Change, however, is all around – breakups, job losses, house moves – everything seems to be happening at once. If there’s one thing that my card, The Tower, teaches, it’s that life goes on without us, sometimes at a breathless pace. It’s the card that everyone dreads in a Tarot reading. I’m sure I have the same effect when I go to the pub! At official meetings, I’m even worse. I’m impatient, impenetrable as a stone wall, and accept no compromise. This of course, is the best way to lose friends and alienate people in the New Age community. The sad thing is, I’ve been holding back. I respect that power that pulls the rug out from under us (I’ve felt it myself many times this year) and I’ve done my best to tread carefully, to get to the bottom of where other people might be coming from.
Understanding other people’s perspectives is in itself misunderstood; most can see the value of this concept, but they don’t really get it. Consider this for a moment. I presume that you are a reasonably humanitarian individual, whose beliefs follow the cultural norm of the 21st century UK as a whole. How do you feel about individuals being murdered for their sexual orientation? If a man or woman was murdered in your town or city for being gay, how angry would that make you? How wrong would that feel to you? Now, consider that another individual, who has perhaps sat opposite you on the bus, feels the exact opposite. This character feels and believes, as strongly as you believe, that all gay people should be slaughtered. This person is not ‘misguided.’ He or she has not had a hard life. This person is not of a different culture, and has not fallen in with the ‘wrong’ crowd. He or she is not less or more developed than you on a soul level, if you believe in such things. The individual in question simply has a different perspective than yours. Horrifying, isn’t it? As strongly as I believe in a Goddess, someone else believes I will burn in hell for eternity for such a belief. It’s something that we all claim to understand, but rarely give enough thought.
The knowledge that someone may be rude, selfish, or downright stupid and yet believe that they are none of these things and that they are acting and behaving normally and well has been an eye-opener for me. In my quest to be respectful of others’ perspectives, however, I have allowed myself to be disrespected. I have not communicated my feelings until after the moment. I have been carrying my problems around. Again, balance must be redressed. If there was a glossary of terms that have sprung up of late that I detest, ‘speaking your truth’ would be one of them. It’s one of those things that leans too far over to the other side once again – for so long have people felt that they are being repressed and stifled, now they speak their minds at all times, regardless of diplomacy or preservation. The good thing is, such people (the ‘I say what I mean, darling, you get what you see with me’ types) often reveal their own insecurities as they babble on. Don’t confuse this with ‘projecting,’ my most hated hippy-babble term of the moment, however. ‘Projecting’ supposedly means that when insecure, we see our own failings, mirror-like, in others, accusing them of things that we ourselves are doing. This of course is a brilliantly annoying retort that can be directed at those of us who have finally lost the plot and decided to tell someone off. How butt-clenchingly annoying, once enough spittle has been worked up to let a certain someone have it in full, to be told that one is seeing one’s own failures in another!
So the answer is not in bottling and attempting to rub along, and it’s not in exhaustively listing faults in alphabetical order until the spittle stores need replenishing. Someone could have told me!
I have a theory on these things – the ‘everything happens for a reason’ line of thinking (if ‘thinking’ it can be called), the ‘projectors’ and the accusers thereof, and those loveable people who like to ‘speak their truth’ (but will deny you the same right and call it ‘projecting’), and all that assorted nonsense. It started out like feminism – necessary, protective, and long overdue. But people are extreme, and can twist these well-meaning little sayings into something demeaning, either for them or others. Here’s the good bit. These people are scary caricatures of how you can end up, if you are stupid/lazy/unthinking enough not to learn from such folly! When your housemate complains about how your friends are scroungers whilst blissfully tucking into your dairy milk, you make a little mental note – ‘Never become as callous or irritating as this dreadful PROJECTOR!’ Granted, your emotional responses may not be as potent as mine, but you get the picture. That oft-spoken new-age adage - ‘That person is a lesson for you,’ can be utterly true, however insipid it sounds next to the prospect of dealing with a total fruitcake.
The new-age terms that some of us love to hate are little homing beacons to madness, like a secret code developed for non-fruitcakes (as we see ourselves, from our perspective). ‘Everything happens for a reason’ people might – just maybe – be more comfortable with the idea of lying back and letting life happen – or not happen – around them, than attempting to inflict some order and direction and discipline on personal events (these people are akin to ‘the Universe will provide’ types – yes this is true, but the Universe wants you to provide for yourself, otherwise boots and bums will collide, and that’s where The Tower comes in). The Love & Light Brigade, as I like to call them, have a tendency to flip out and show you their devil face when you least expect it, so as soon as they say ‘love and light!’ you know to keep one beedy eye on them at all times. Accusers of ‘projecting’ are often projectors themselves, (how ironic is that?) so keep that in mind. And, if a stranger begins a conversation with the phrase, ‘Now, I say what I mean…’ brace yourself; and if they prefix a statement thus: ‘with the greatest love and respect,’ run for the hills! What they actually mean is (usually) ‘I’m going to make a snap judgement on you based on the fact that you’ve somehow ruffled my feathers, and it ain’t going to be pretty…’
The annoying thing about all this certainty is that sometimes, it’s not certain at all. These terms and sentiments can be used aptly and insightfully. The only way through the swamp is to hone your intuition, and accept that it might be off sometimes, leaving you to do things the old-fashioned way. Occasionally, most annoying of all, you will have to rescind snap judgements and first impressions, both good and bad. And remember, somebody is probably looking your way and thinking, ‘Good Gods, don’t let me end up like that lunatic.’ It’s certainly true for me!
Personally, I’ve spent too long of late running around trying to do everything bigger and better than before and not accepting my own charming fruitcake moments, preferring instead the iron fist of trying really hard and getting really kranky with my lack of progress. The response of the Universe, God, Providence, whatever, is to whack a great stinking lurgy on me so that I have had to take practically a week off work. A week?! I hear the workaholics cry. I know. It’s been hell. The feeling of helplessness has engendered behavioural traits in me that I loath in others. Drat. I hate it when that happens. But – the magick of it – I am aware of it! I’ve learned something about my own nature! I can apply this now in my dealings with others! Three second laurel time… and… release.
Balance has been restored.
